P & M

When Paul and I hit the 40-day marker counting down to our deadline this April, I felt such a strong compulsion or move of the Spirit to pray and fast fervently for the Lord to provide. Honestly, I thought the fast would indeed last 40 days, and I was daunted from the start but resolved in our commitment to do any and everything God asked. As is usual to His higher ways, He eventually revealed to Paul that we would break fast on Easter (much sooner than we thought, but still the longest fast we have ever endured). If we were to break fast for any reason, may it be for the most blessed celebration of all: HE is risen! Our Redeemer lives! Nevertheless, the prolonged time was effective in teaching us lessons we hope to remember for the rest of our lives, especially as we embark on cross-cultural service overseas, where the frustrations and distractions of our ministry vie to take our attention off the Author and Perfector of our faith. 

1. My desire for food can be lustful. We had a gradual start into our fast, starting with a liquid-only diet (and moving into just water), and I have to admit I was getting cocky. With the liquids, I felt “invincible,” I thought, “Oh yeah, I can do this for 40 days!” Leave it to the Lord to knock me down a few pegs, back to my proper station. Already in the first day of our water fast, I yearned, longed, and OBSESSED over food. I spent many long minutes fantasizing about the smell, texture, taste, every facet imaginable of chewable delights... I started to wonder, is this what men feel like?! And of course, I had to come to a place of confession and repentance of how much time I waste concerned with my own desires, pleasures, and extravagant wishes rather than on the simple (everlasting) joy of relishing God’s provision and presence Himself. 
2. My hunger for the Word has never been so strong. Maybe because when you are not making food, eating it, and then cleaning up after yourself you suddenly have SO much free time! Since coming to Christ as a teenager I have tried to keep a daily (at least regular) discipline of reading the Bible. Currently, I have been following the “Chronological Bible in One Year” daily plan which averages about 3 chapters a day to finish the whole Bible by the end of the year. Even in Missionary Training School, we were told that to maintain any daily discipline with longevity, one must limit herself from doing TOO much in one day. So as short and sweet as any practice might be, don’t let yourself get too carried away so that you burn out. Yet as the very Word of God was our only sustenance, I found I could not keep myself from reading 2 days’ worth of chapters and craving still yet more. 
3. Hearing God’s Voice can be SO clear and specific. Even as “die-hard” Christians, how many of us actually believe hearing God speak personally to us (like He did with Moses) is still possible or done today? I won’t say it happened to us EVERY day, but when it did it was so distinct, albeit still and small, and often so “left-field” than what we were asking for or expecting to hear. Paul would repeatedly ask of God practical matters (don’t we all), like what church should we visit this Sunday, what to share in our next Tuesday update, etc. Silence after silence, Paul realized He was demanding of God to cater to OUR plans rather than submitting and yielding to the Lord. Then when he would approach the Lord with no agenda and with thanksgiving for all He has already done, God on high would bend low to give a new directive: write a letter, forgive, pursue spiritual warfare training, and more.  
4. One cannot be guilted into fasting, but inspired by God. My personal experience with fasting in the past has usually been one of defeat. We had so many needs coming off the field for the first time (nearly 3 years ago now), and I thought if I could only pray and fast for X number of days, surely God will move and act! Consecutive false starts and failed attempts at fasting in my own strength left me feeling so ashamed and believing lies that I guess I don’t deserve any of God’s goodness if I cannot even fast for one day. (Truly we don’t deserve any of God’s goodness, but all grace has already been offered freely through the finished work of Jesus on the Cross, and that grace is sufficient for every need.) But in this case, it was a divinely inspired impulse: I want God’s glory revealed, so that I might know Him nearer and dearer, and that others would praise Him as HE deserves! 
5. It is the body’s ultimate Sabbath. Have you ever felt that “carbo crash,” “after-Thanksgiving meal coma,” the inescapable need to hibernate after eating too much? Apparently it is because your body is conserving all its strength and diverting its energy to digestion. When having nothing in the tummies to distill into new energy sources, the body then resorts to eating its stored fat reserves (of which I had plenty to last, haha). But this is no easy work either! We still needed to nap! A modern comedian jokes and points out a truth about our culture, “Hey, why don’t we eat something?...and then let’s go eat somethin’!” Our whole days revolve around the cycles of upcoming meals and snacks in-between, stripping all that away was, for us, to FINALLY “be still.” A nap can really just be to recharge as we had no strength left, we had successfully spent it all on all the good work God intended for that time, as opposed to an escape or an indulgence (made necessary by the indulgences we may have eaten prior). 
6. It is a reminder of the reality of how weak, frail, and dependent we truly are, which is a good humbling experience. If anyone ever needed to test their limits of self-control and come face-to-face with personal shortcomings, I suggest feeding a child, blowing off his overheated food, putting it to your lips...AND refrain from eating. (My protocol for far too many meals than I am willing to count.) But the insistence to keep ourselves from eating was not merely for pious self-discipline but a recognition of our deepest hunger: to see God work mightily. And once the appetite was whet for such grandeur, nothing else would satisfy. If it weren’t for God’s Hand, we would indeed cease to live, move, and have our being. But how many of us actually live with the understanding that we are impermanent creation, the nature of humanity, and our existence ever-needing grace and care?
7. God is STILL not beholden to respond to our requests, many times He gives us other directives. I know I’ve already discussed this in length in #3, but this lesson can do with some repetition—Lord knows I need to learn this one good and lasting. Actually, before even starting what I thought would be a much much longer fast, I had to ask myself, “Are you going to be disappointed if God doesn’t allow you to meet your first deadline?” I had to resolve right then and there that I would yet praise Him, regardless of the outcome, and trust His ways are best and His plans are perfect. I was reminded of the account of King David praying and fasting that God would spare the life of his baby and yet when the baby actually passed, David rose up and ate (to his onlookers’ surprise and shock). I have confided in some close friends already, I will not entertain doubt and disbelief that God “could not” accomplish any miracle, including the ones we have specifically asked for. Yet if He so chooses another time and fulfills His calling in a way I did not ask for, I will move on, move there with hope.
8. This is the prime opportunity to intercede on behalf of others, not just make my own petitions. Paul told me like 3 days before Easter that we would be breaking fast earlier than we thought. While on the one hand, I was getting excited at the “relief” to come, I had a hard realization that I did not use this time as wisely as I could have. I had so much regret, I wanted to start all over and do it again! God revealed that I was pleading with Him to move in the hearts of would-be supporters to join our partnership team (which many did, by the way); but was I actually praying that they would be living for His glory and be shining witnesses on this side of the world?! Boy, was I weeping... Thank God for His unfailing forgiveness and sweet rebuke to reorient me into the correct priorities. Whether you are on our partnership team or not, know we are praying for His glorious riches to be manifest in your life and the lives of your families...that you may SHARE and tell of His wonders wherever you are. 
9. Our bodies purge all the things that aren’t good for us if we stop feeding ourselves junk. Did you know that as we feed our physical bodies we are conditioning our tastes and even the microbes in our guts to favor these inputs? And so it is with our spiritual selves, the bodies we must offer as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to the Lord. As we hungered more and more for God, to see Him alive and active in our day-to-day, we lost our tastes for fleeting pleasures. All we wanted to “entertain” ourselves was books and documentaries of real-life stories of how faithful God has been to His people, to assure us He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 
10. While no one wants to start, and it is hard to endure every moment through every “meal,” I am sad this fast has come to an end. Paul and I had many preparatory conversations of how we are going to “reintegrate” back into what is “normal,” eating 3 meals a day. We were actual most anxious and nervous that we would just let ourselves go and throw all caution to the wind, as if “the ban is over, let’s really indulge now to make up for it!” I feared trusting myself to remember all that we had learned in this precious and intimate time with the Lord, and now that it’s over, will I just resume “business as usual?” Will my flesh and the world win out each day if I am not waking up saying “NO” to them to begin with? This experience has actually impressed on us the desire to maintain a regular (maybe yearly) practice of prolonged fasting, so that these Truths and more may be etched on our hearts for the long haul. 

Thanks for reading! May the investment of your time be rewarded in fruit that will last for you and all you love, as well. 

Magee